Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Tow-No! Not again!

Rebecca just brought my hearse home... on a tow truck.
The Passkey system failed. The car won't start because it thinks it's stolen. The internet says the repair would be around $1,000. That's if parts are available.
Rebecca also told me about a bypass module that makes the car work without the terrible "security" system. That would cost $300, and it would be impossible for Passkey to fail again because it will be removed. I like that idea. I hate Passkey, and I can put a much more reliable security system in.

-Julie Rae

Sunday, August 28, 2016

Scrubbing the top

My Hearse's top was filthy. Not only does that look bad, but it'll make the vinyl deteriorate. I mean, just look how gross this was.

So I got some soap, a brush, and some vinyl protectant. Look at how pretty and clean and protected it is now!

-Julie Rae

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

One door lock, repaired!

I finally got that damn door lock working! Now we don't have to carry everything in with us every time!


Sunday, August 21, 2016

Rear View is Ready

The Hearse came without a rear view mirror. You could see the mark in the grime where one had been though.
Well, with the curtains, and the reflections in the divider glass, a rear view mirror wouldn't be very useful.
So, I put in a rear view camera and mounted the display where the mirror would be! It's right where you'd naturally look for a mirror.

You don't quite get the true feel of just how big a hearse is until you run video cable all the way to the back!
Enjoy your rear view, Jewels!


Monday, August 15, 2016

No error lights!

All the error lights are out! Brake comes on when parked, goes out when the parking brake is released. Fasten Belts, Door Ajar, and Brake to Shift, all come on and go out at the appropriate times. All the error lights come up at start, as they should, so I know none of the bulbs are out.
It's a nice feeling to see a legitimately clear dash board. Julie was told that constant brake error light was a faulty parking brake sensor, and nothing to worry about. No, Cynthia was trying to warn us she was a death trap with imminant brake failure. Well, she's a death trap no more!

Many thanks to Modern Tire in Cheshire CT for fixing all the brake system damage for a reasonable price!

Cynthia is almost ready to take her position as our daily driver. We still have to finish repairing that door lock, and get the rear view system in place.
...and finish getting all these acorns out of here. This car is nuts! HA!


Woohoo! Brakes!

Saturday, August 13, 2016

You've Got Brakes!

Thanks for not charging us a fortune:

Hi, it's Ed at Modern Tire, it's about 20 minutes of 3. I'm calling to let you know we finally got the brakes working on your Hearse. Umm... We're here today till 3 o'clock. If you have any questions, give me a call, [PHONE NUMBER REMOVED]. We will be back on Monday at 7 in the morning. If we don't see you, have a great weekend! Thank you.

Thursday, August 11, 2016


Cynthia is off to the shop with busted brake lines. Here's to hoping new brake lines don't cost a fortune, and here's to hoping that's all that's wrong aside from the exhaust leak we already knew about. Cynthia, you better be worth all this! I really hope this car is worth it!


Lies and Slime Spots

If the Diet Coke cans weren't bad enough, I've discovered someone flat out lied. I'm not sure if the seller lied, or if his mechanic lied to him. Either way, we're left holding the bag. The brake lines are shot, spraying brake fluid everywhere. That's the cause of the slime spot I found on the under carriage earlier. I checked the resivor, and it's completely dry. Not a drop of brake fluid to be found in there, and there hasn't been for a while. I'm shocked we weren't killed. When this car was sold to Julie, she was told it was ready to drive. She was told it just needed brake pads, and the seller got them done for her before she picked up the car. Now, either the seller just appeased her and knowingly sent her off on the highway with no brake fluid, or the mechanic who did the brakes ignored the fact the brake line is split and the resivor is empty and didn't give a damn if that hearse crashed.
I'm not sure which of the two are to blame, but either the seller, or the seller's mechanic, or both, did not care if Julie crashed on the way home. Since I don't know which of them deserves blame, I'm not going to name either of them. Judging by their reactions, I don't think either one is completely innocent.

So now I need to figure out what to do with this hunk of undrivable metal. I suppose step one is to see what brake lines are going to cost. I don't have enough experience to do brake lines myself. I'm not about to put lives on the line.


Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Share a Coke with Cynthia

Awesome. $6,000 and we have an exhaust patched with Diet Coke cans. This sucks. I'm a little nauseated.


Rain Outside, Sunny inside.

It rained last night, so as I went to the other car to head to work, I checked the Hearse. It looks like Rebecca's windshield sealing held nicely. The front seats are dry as a bone, as is the carpet, the dash, and the center consol. Good work Becca!


Monday, August 8, 2016

Sealing the Windshield

I got the leaking windshield sealed up. I haven't sprayed water at it yet, it needs to cure first, but it should be good now. Hopefully, no more front seat showers!
While working on the windshield, I notice some tiny cracks in the vinyl top. Given that the top is still very supple and isn't cracked anywhere else, I think something impacted the top hard enough to cause those little cracks at some point in it's life. Especially since they are irregularly shaped. Perhaps a tree branch, or a kicked up piece of road debris got it. They don't go all the way through the vinyl and should patch right up. That, however, is a task for another day.
I also took a listen to the engine. I think I know roughly where that exhaust leak is. I'll get under there when I can.


Sunday, August 7, 2016

I Brought Home my Hearse, and She Has a Name!

I brought my Hearse home, and I've learned my car's name. Everyone, meet Cynthia, the Hearse!

Here's a terrible photo of me, along with Cynthia's previous owner, and Cynthia herself.
I don't know why I look so awful in this picture. I wish someone had told me I wasn't looking my best that day.

A few more photos of Cynthia!

Just look at this top!


Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Better Identification

Alright. Now I know who the coach-builder is!
This Hearse is a 1994 Federal. This is useful information!


It starts with a broken Subaru, and an ad on Craigslist.

If you already know my headmates and I, collectively known as The JC Klatch, you are familiar with our Subaru Outback that we converted in to a tiny camper. Unfortunately, a snapped timing belt took that car off the road. The repair costs exceed what we feel that car is worth, considering other enormous repairs that are likely to happen soon. It is unfortunate, as that car was loved very deeply and he contained a lot of memories. We had also just spent a lot of time and money on repairs from a car fire, as well as shocks. He looks amazing, but he isn't rolling along the highways any time soon with no engine. That engine is too much of a gamble for us.

So, we needed a car, and it was my turn to select our system's mode of transportation.
I found an ad on Craigslist for the car I've always wanted. A HEARSE!
There's the ad for my car. Deposit is paid, and soon, I'll be handing over the rest of the money, going through the government's maze of red tape, and driving it home!
It's big, it's black, it's creepy, and now, it's mine! 

The ad wasn't completely thorough, I found some other issues with the car not mentioned. No fault to the seller, I really scrutinized that vehicle (although, I forgot to climb underneath. I hope it's not a rust farm under there). Aside from a little rust rot in one of the doors, the issues I found were all very minor. Over all, it appears to be a fine automobile. Even the vinyl top is intact! 

Let's take a look at the provided pictures. Or at least the one's that don't completely give this guy's house away.

Stick around and let's see what I can do with this 1994 Cadillac Fleetwood Brougham!

One question remains.... How the **** are we going to park this thing?!